Out for Dinner

We're going out for dinner tonight, all the Prairie Bounty girls, along with our husbands. We thought we should thank them for all their unpaid labour. They often end up being the ones who haul the barbecue where we want it, carry in food and carry out dishes. They're also great cleaner-uppers when we need a few extra hands.

I suppose they also get to eat our cooking. Still, we thought a dinner out would be nice.

I find I'm eating out less these days, but going to better restaurants. There is nothing that bugs me more than going out to eat and thinking, "Wow. I could have done this so much better." Not that I think I'm so great or anything, I just think there are a few rules you must follow if you're going to cook good food and run a good restaurant.

Here's my list:

You may NEVER use that strange, flash frozen previously known as chicken that's lost all its flavour and texture. I'm not even sure it was chicken, ever. I don't know what they do to it, but even if it's cheap, there is no excuse for that stuff ending up on a plate restaurant that wants to be taken seriously.

Pork CANNOT have that funny porky smell. My husband, good farm boy that he is, tells me that pork tastes like that for one of two reasons: the porker was not a virgin when he was killed for consumption, or he was castrated improperly. Sharpen those knives, folks, because that awful smells like pork thing should never happen. Taste your own food, please!

Don't serve me that lettuce out of a bag that tastes like the gas that is supposed to keep it from going bad.

Frozen square vegetables are not allowed. Ever.

Pretty much any frozen vegetable is taboo. Especially if you've cooked it anything other than tender crisp.

DON'T call it butter if it isn't.

DON'T re-use your oil and make sure your grill is clean. Ugh. Dirty grill flavour.

Coffee. must. be. strong. and. hot. (Exception: Restaurants that serve Asian food. You just shouldn't order coffee there.)

Tea should always come in a teapot. If you hand me a bag and a cup of semi-hot water, you've lost me.

Cranky wait staff will not be tolerated.

It's pretty easy to check the glasses for somebody else's lipstick stains before you bring them out to me. (I was in a really great restaurant, really expensive, really bad lipstick stain. I think I should have gotten something for free.)

Better a simple restaurant made dessert than something that looks elaborate but was obviously mass produced. We were at a restaurant with friends last week and I think a $7 dessert should be made on the premises or by some dessert specialty place. I can take it out of a box very nicely myself, at home.

There you have it! My 10 Commandments of cooking.